Mon Accent de Merde

If there is one thing that keeps me steadily chuckling about the French is the language barrier or the language bridge, let's say, depending on who you are. Accents to me are like savory snacks to some: it makes the mouth water and hunger for more. 

One of the more amusing bits about the French when speaking English is that they often stop themselves, having hardly uttered a few phrases and say:

"Avec mon accent de merde...!"

It's so very odd that they second-guess themselves so immediately (this does give one a better indication of how incredibly wound-up they can be as a nation) and chastize themselves for throwing the accent of every word on the last syllable and refusing to learn to pronounce "th" without spitting. But then, one wonders, if they are conscious of how un-American or un-English they sound, then why don't they try fixing it? 

We anglos or latinos (in any case non-French) have to learn to roll the "r" in the back of the throat and make our lips look like (this is a direct translation from the French) a "chicken's ass" when we pronounce anything with a liquid "u" sound, so why can't they stick their tongue underneath their teeth without spitting in order to avoid saying "zis" or "zat"?

I'm sure they can, and they have. 

Note the number of French people who have learned to sing so convincingly in American that one would think they are. In France, there is a show somewhat in the manner of "Ed Sullivan" called "Taratata" which I'm fond of because it's really just a series of musical guests doing a few songs followed by brief interiews done by a rather breathless French/North African with beady eyes. 

Interviewing aside, I don't think I have ever heard a song on this show in French, although all the interviews are conducted in French--here is the catch--with French people! How weird is that? Why can't they just sing in their own language? They're hardly known in France and suddenly they're worried about the anglophone world. This may be a gimmick to get signed but it doesn't really concern me since my songs are mostly in English anyway. 

The point is that sounding like Maurice Chevalier for French people is totally avoidable. (You will remember his charming accent from his crooning "Sank 'Even for Leetol Gorls!" in 1958 film version of Gigi).

It is avoidable insofar as sounding like Jane Birkin or Katherine Hepburn speaking French is avoidable for me, but requires conscious facial exercise. In general, I'm told (by men, duh!), that I have a "charmant petit accent" but they can't place me, in the manner of Professor Higgins to Eliza. Better off I am this way, I believe, to hide in my hodge-podge of accents, and when I get lazy about "doing the chicken ass" I can just reveal myself as the lazy polyglot I am.

Who cares anyway? It wouldn't have been any fun if he had sung "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" properly.